How to find a great driver in Haiti

Arriving in Haiti was definitely a little bit of a culture shock.  I have traveled out of the country a few times, but nowhere quite like Haiti.  And let me tell you that the driving alone definitely sets Haiti apart from any other country that I have been lucky enough to visit.
I definitely recommend riding some thing where your senses can be assualted/permeated from all sides so that you get a sense of Haiti. Aromas of garbage burning mixed with the delicious smells of something cooking from a street vendor, dirt blowing, people, and your own sweat filled the air. Many abandoned vehicles were alongside the road. If your vehicle dies, it becomes part of the landscape art adding to the trash, and animals that are everywhere. We rode in a school bus with the windows down for around 5 hours.  At some point, you tend to lose count.
All I kept thinking about was the Knight Bus from Harry Potter. (Sidenote: We are huge Potterheads in my fam.)  The shrunken head (in the movie) hanging from the rearview mirror says “It’s going to be a bumpy ride” and in Haiti there is no doubt.  Little did I know that our ride was going to look and feel like much of that scene from the movie. No exaggeration. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FArmRa092H0)  I am sure I missed quite a bit in the beginning because I had my eyes closed.
There were women (and some men and children) with huge baskets, bowls or even boxes filled with wares that they were selling or had purchased. Many had buckets of water on their heads, since they had to walk to the well to collect water for their homes.  Heavy loads that I know that I would complain about if I had to even carry them by hand. I saw many men/young boys with machetes hanging around. I assume to help gather the coconuts, mangos, or plantains.
It was hard to differentiate between homes that had been destroyed either during the hurricane or the earthquake, that were being rebuilt or brand new, being lived in, or all three.  Homes that would be considered uninhabitable by US standards were certainly being occupied in Haiti. I realized that my office was larger than one of the Haiti homes that I was able to go in. And I have a window that I can open and close and it lets in natural light, not to mention the air conditioning and electricity that we are fortunate to have.
There were Tap Taps (pickup trucks that are like taxis) with as many people to be just way too many driving so crazy all over the road.  Every mode of transportation was overflowing with people. Two lanes (that barely fit one) of opposite traffic suddenly and surprisingly becomes three lanes of traffic going in the same direction and NOT because of an HOV lane suddenly opening up or a traffic light change either. (By the way, I didn’t see any traffic lights or stop signs.  Though, I think some say that they saw a traffic light.)
We stopped at a gas station for a break and, I thought, gas. Somehow we managed to start with a full tank of gas and hours later it still showed full. How is that even possible?  What secret am I missing with this special Haiti bus? Does it have an endless supply of gas? The bathroom was guarded by 2 armed security guards. Needless to say, I was in and out.  
Elie
So you want to know how to find a great driver in Haiti?  It doesn’t take long, I assure you. Give him about 15 minutes or about 2 miles in the city.  If he lays on his horn once every time he pushes the gas, doesn’t hit someone in the middle of the street casually strolling or trying to sell the moving vehicles something, doesn’t make you close your eyes or bury your head at least twice a minute, doesn’t take out a motorcycle, or doesn’t tap a tap tap, plays a game of chicken with the previously mentioned at least 6 times, AND drives at speeds of 55+ mph…he’s the one!!  He could easily navigate the DC traffic blindfolded and he will get you to your destination safely, so sit back and relax. Thanks, Elie (pronounced “Ellie”, but translates to “Eli”)!
Haiti, Day One.